Most people seek out change when they are at a point of enough is enough, when things become unbearable.
“I can`t take this anymore”
“I`m at the end of my rope”
“I can`t see a way forward”
“I`ve hit rock bottom”
When change is sort, usually people are so far down into the vortex of pain (emotionally, physically, spiritually, in relationships, or within themselves) that they feel that they have no options.
As the saying goes if nothing changes, nothing changes.
There is usually a breakdown before a breakthrough.
Here are some of the problems I have been presented with.
I have no confidence no self-esteem, I take on everyone else`s problems and never take care of myself, I can`t communicate with my partner, I can`t let go of my past, I don`t trust myself or anyone, I can`t speak up for myself, I can`t hold down a relationship, I don`t know how to communicate properly, I let people walk over me, I have anxiety, I have depression, My past trauma stops me living the life I want, I don`t know how to say no, I feel overwhelmed on a daily basis.
All these problems have been solved and yes if the problem has been present for a long time, we will have to dig deep to find the root cause.
When I ask “how long has this problem been present it`s incredible that most of my clients say my entire life” or “I can`t ever remember not being like this”
So, problems are so deep that it takes time to unearth it, dissect it, and loosen the grip.
My client knows their problems like they would know a best friend and sometimes losing their problems is exactly that, like losing their best friend.
Some people get scared when they know deep within the core of their being that if they don`t do something it could be detrimental to their health or even their relationships.
Some believe they really don`t know who they will be without their problem.
This is when secondary gain rears its ugly head. This is when the client really believes that releasing and letting go of their problem is in fact way more painful than keeping it.
You see doing this work with me I know you will change; you will be different; you may not even recognise the new you.
With growth, there is also loss, and this is where sometimes choices are made.
You see, when you heal, people may treat you differently. When you heal you don`t seek the attention you once needed so desperately. When you heal there will be those who you no longer resonate with or need.
You see misery loves company so when you get people together who sit around talking about their problems this not only keeps you stuck but you are bonding with others through trauma (Trauma bonding).
I remember many years ago before my own healing journey I was so stuck. So stuck that my life revolved around my unhappiness, and this was all I could focus on. I didn`t even realise until after I had taken action to move forward, and a beautiful friend said to me one day “That`s why I had to just back away and out of your life. For a little while” I was so far in the vortex of my pain I didn`t even realise that I was pushing people away. All I could talk about my pain of a bad relationship that was literally sucking the life out of me.
With growth, there is also gain.
You gain the outcome that you want, you gain a new perspective, you gain new strategies and tools, you gain new insights into old patterns and behaviours, you gain confidence and your life back.
The big question that I ask all my potential clients is what has the problem cost you so far?
These are typical responses
My health, relationships, sleepless nights, my mental health, and sometimes my job.
If this is resonating How much longer are you going to wait to get the help you need?
Let`s see if working with me would be a good fit for you?